Friday, 15 July 2016

Why keep fighting?

I saw my cpn and psychiatrist today and they have changed their mind about me going to Khiron House. All of a sudden they want me to go to The Retreat in York and would not listen when I explained why I couldn't go there. It is a 10 month program and I am a teacher and go to work. There is no way I can leave my job for 10 months. I could probably get unpaid leave but how do I pay my mortgage and other outgoings? It is just not realistic for me at all.
I tried to explain why I wanted to go to Khiron ?House. How I liked the program and the fact that there are a smaller number of patients. It is entirely trauma based which is what I need.
The main concern is my safety at night but my safety is no different there to at home. How come it is ok for me to be on my own at home. I don't get any extra support.
I think that if I am getting support during the day then my nights might be better anyway. It is worth a try.
However it seems that it is not to be and that is a shame. I don't know of any other places that I can go to that would help and enable me to keep my job. I really don't know why I bother to keep fighting. It's just not worth it