Wednesday, 9 December 2015

Ouch!

Double ouch today!!!
Ouch no 1 - I disassociated yesterday and stabbed myself in the stomach. I couldn't face going to A&E so I went to my local GP surgery. A GP stitched me up without giving me any anesthetic and it bloody hurt. I lay there on the bed feeling that I deserved the pain as I had hurt myself. I had 15 stitches and afterwards I just felt so low. I tried to ring the crisis team as I just felt so agitated and unsettled but noone would answer. I rang the DPM at the hospital and luckily someone I know really well answered the phone. She calmed me down and sorted out a prescription of lorazepam to calm me down. She then got my CPN to ring me this morning to check up on me. I wish the crisis team would be as good as that but they are a waste of time.
Ouch no 2 - I went to see an old friend that I hadn't seen for a long time. She blocked me out of her life due to our girls falling out, even though we had been really close and had helped each other through some tough times.She acted like nothing had happened between us and chatted just like old times but I found that I was on edge and guarded. I couldn't be my normal self and was careful what I said and did. When I left I wished her a happy Christmas and she said that she would like to see me before Christmas. I'm just not sure -  I felt quite emotional after seeing her and am not sure re-kindling that relationship is a positive move. There is a lot of history there and I want to move on and not back.
I'm seeing my new psych next week which is scary.................