Thursday, 23 June 2016

Night time again

It's nearly 3am and I'm in a mess.. I need to calm down and am trying hard to distract myself.
Earlier I found myself downstairs with a cord wrapped around my neck and I can't remember waking up or going downstairs. My neck is sore but I feel so detached.
Why don't I know what I'm doing? I don't understand and it's scary. It's like my mind and my body go in different directions. I am just not connected.
I'm scared to go upstairs and the quiet of the house seems loud and invasive. Shadows dart everywhere and the little bit of light is so bright that it hurts.
My skin crawls and I feel confused and disorientated. I need to connect and stay in the present.
I need to sleep so badly but I'm frightened to. The lack of control is too overwhelming.
I'm just a freak and it hurts. Why me?