Really tired and fed up tonight. Not sleeping very well at all as nightmares are back so strongly. My skin crawls and I feel really dirty all the time. Can't believe I'm back in this crap place again.
No matter how hard I try and how much I try to keep my head up I can't stop the free fall when I'm struggling. It overwhelms me.
I haven't got any meds anymore and I'm beginning to wonder if that is a good idea. I hate how they make me feel but am frightened in case I get too low and impulsive.
Empty nest syndrome is crap. All my children are getting on with their lives and I'm on my own much more. It makes me think that it would be ok to not be around anymore but I know that is not true. I've just got to find my life again.
I need to find a purpose to keep going and some new friends. Not sure how I do that.
Work is busy and I have an ofsted inspection tomorrow which is stressful but it will be ok
PTSD is hard and it never ends
Monday, 19 January 2015
Sunday, 18 January 2015
It's been a while
It's been a while since I last wrote in my blog and lots has happened, both good things and not so good
I've turned 50 and been on am amazing holiday to New York. I've also finally moved to a new house and am trying hard to see it as a fresh start
I've been really ill over the past year and have had 3 operations. I've lost 4 stones in weight and am really struggling to be healthy and well. My immunity is poor and I have low iron levels. It's hard to just keep going
Had some scary news just before Christmas that my ex husband is coming back from Thailand and has shipped his belongings back. This has caused bad nightmares again and a lot of anxiety.
Feeling re-traumatised right now and fed up that I always end up in this crap place.
Am trying something new for my nightmares. I set my alarm before they happen - seems easy but it's making me really tired and I wake up upset and agitated. Am hoping it will stop the nightmares though. It's worth a try.
Have managed 8 months without any medication and am in no rush to ever take it again.
I've turned 50 and been on am amazing holiday to New York. I've also finally moved to a new house and am trying hard to see it as a fresh start
I've been really ill over the past year and have had 3 operations. I've lost 4 stones in weight and am really struggling to be healthy and well. My immunity is poor and I have low iron levels. It's hard to just keep going
Had some scary news just before Christmas that my ex husband is coming back from Thailand and has shipped his belongings back. This has caused bad nightmares again and a lot of anxiety.
Feeling re-traumatised right now and fed up that I always end up in this crap place.
Am trying something new for my nightmares. I set my alarm before they happen - seems easy but it's making me really tired and I wake up upset and agitated. Am hoping it will stop the nightmares though. It's worth a try.
Have managed 8 months without any medication and am in no rush to ever take it again.
Saturday, 29 March 2014
Section 136
Things are going from bad to worse. I've been feeling really suicidal and my self harm is bad.
On Thursday night I sat in my car facing the river, all I had to do was to take my hand break off and I would have rolled into the river.
I wish so much that I had done just that. However the police found me and sectioned me. They took me to the local hospital as a place of safety. They can hold you for 72 hours.
After a night in what looked like a prison cell I was interviewed by the psych and social worker and allowed home. I'm just feeling so unsafe and crap and have plans to hurt myself.
However it is Mother's Day tomorrow so I had better try to keep going
My ex husband is being threatening and abusive and says he is coming back to the uk to sort me out! I'm forever watching my back and feel frightened and unsettled.
Life is as crap as always
On Thursday night I sat in my car facing the river, all I had to do was to take my hand break off and I would have rolled into the river.
I wish so much that I had done just that. However the police found me and sectioned me. They took me to the local hospital as a place of safety. They can hold you for 72 hours.
After a night in what looked like a prison cell I was interviewed by the psych and social worker and allowed home. I'm just feeling so unsafe and crap and have plans to hurt myself.
However it is Mother's Day tomorrow so I had better try to keep going
My ex husband is being threatening and abusive and says he is coming back to the uk to sort me out! I'm forever watching my back and feel frightened and unsettled.
Life is as crap as always
Tuesday, 18 March 2014
Saturday, 8 March 2014
Sunday, 26 January 2014
Getting worse :-(
I have been in and out of the psychiatric hospital and am just feeling lower and lower. I'm not sure anymore if I can just carry on.
Last night I stood by the river in my pyjamas and just wanted to jump into the stillness and calm. I can't believe I walked away and didn't jump. Maybe it was a trial run?
My ex is back from Thailand and I'm frightened, work is crap and everything just seems so hard.
Just don't really know what else to say!
Last night I stood by the river in my pyjamas and just wanted to jump into the stillness and calm. I can't believe I walked away and didn't jump. Maybe it was a trial run?
My ex is back from Thailand and I'm frightened, work is crap and everything just seems so hard.
Just don't really know what else to say!
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