Thursday, 22 October 2015

Crisis House again

This week I have been in a crisis house in order to keep myself safe
It has been a hard week and often very triggering but it has also reminded me of the good things I have in my life 
Being in a house like this with 5 other people is not easy. Chaos rules and it's hard not to go along with it
2 people took large overdoses and 2 people self harmed in front of me and that is hard to deal with when your head is everywhere and you are not sleeping.
The staff have been very supportive and helpful and it's been difficult when I have had nightmare after nightmare and wet beds every night. It is embarrassing and triggering. They have got used to me though and can calm me down quite quickly.
When I look at the other people here none of them work and they rely heavily on services. I think I would lose hope - why bother getting out of bed? They have been surprised that I still manage to work but for me there is no alternative. Without my job I would give in and without my family and friends I would have nothing and I really appreciate them all and the support they have given me recently. I keep going because of their love and care.
I'm going home later and that is scary. Nights are still hard and I worry about keeping myself safe. Hopefully the crisis team are going to visit and will be able to check I'm looking after myself and have made my house safer.
There have been lots of tears this week and it has been hard but hopefully I can move forward