Thursday, 5 September 2013

Medication or not?

Am struggling this week. I think that being around more people and being back at work is highlighting that I'm not coping very well. I'm so tired and finding it hard to concentrate. The last 3 nights I haven't slept very much and I'm exhausted. My head feels foggy again. Colleagues only have to look at me funny or say the wrong thing and I'm struggling. I've got butterflies in my stomach and I feel agitated and unsettled.
My work load seems overwhelming and I just don't know where to start. 2 days of intensive meetings have introduced new ways of working, higher expectations and more rigorous monitoring with new targets being set. My manager seems to have forgotten that my workload is heavier than my colleagues and some of the new strategies will be impossible for me. Usually I stand my ground but today I felt numb and just wanted to bury my head. It's like it all washed over me and I don't even know where to start. It is impossible. I don't want to talk to my manager as I think I will cry and just break down and that isn't a good start seeing as redundancies have been mentioned again.
So what can I do? I'm struggling. I have some sertraline that I can begin to take again and I think I might have to. I haven't taken medication for 6 months but recognise I'm not in a good place.
I don't know what else to do and I don't want to lose my job. I can't admit to anyone that I'm struggling and I feel really alone with it all.
My therapy sessions have ended for a while as my therapist has retired.
Taking tablets seems like a backwards step but it just might help - I hope so