Had a really bad night last night. Woke up crying and shaking at about 2.30am and just couldn't ground myself. I could hear him and smell him and it just got louder and louder. Even in the shower I could still smell his sweaty body.
I finally rang the night crisis team after a couple of hours on the bathroom floor curled up in a ball. I was in the house on my own and too scared to move. I haven't self harmed for a while and just couldn't trust myself to move. My head was like a washing machine, thoughts whirring round and round.
Glen calmed me down and got me back into the bedroom but I couldn't go near my bed. Instead I curled up on the settee. I would be so lost without the night crisis team. He was so calm and supportive.
Today I feel tearful. I'm trying to keep busy and have been cleaning. I need to keep distracted until my daughters come home later.
I have to tell myself that I can do this.