Sunday, 31 May 2015

Night crisis team

Am in such a bad place and have just got off the phone to the crisis team. Aargh I just feel like screaming, what bit of "help I'm struggling" don't you understand
I've cut my wrist and I'm bleeding but have no recollection of doing so, I'm scared and frightened. I can't look after me right now. I'm not safe. Please listen to me
How many times do I ask for help? Not many but I know when I'm struggling. I know when I've reached the edge. I know when enough is enough and I need help.
I'm trying to write this to ground myself and to try and calm down but as I type I'm shaking, crying and I can't breathe. What can I do? Where can I go?
I feel so alone and scared. Inside I'm just hurting so much and there's no one to help me make it stop. I am not stupid, I know there is not much you can do but maybe try listening and acknowledging what I'm saying. Try showing me that you care and want to help. Stay with me for a few minutes to calm my breathing. Talk through my coping. I can't do this on my own, my head is all over the place and is screaming for me to run. Running is not safe. When I run I disassociate and anything can happen but how do I just stay here? I try to tell myself I can do this, I'm safe and no one can hurt me. Come on, keep going, you can do this.
Why let him win? This is so hard and I need help. Please help me.