Tuesday, 2 June 2015

Self Harm

I hate it when I hurt myself especially when I cut my wrists. That is my signal that things have got too bad and I'm not coping very well at all
When the emotional pain gets too much I just snap and then hate it so much when I harm myself. People notice my cuts and they get harder to explain to simple accidents. There is such a stigma around self harm and people don't understand that I don't do it for attention but it's more a response to overwhelming emotional pain
Turning that pain into physical pain makes it easier to cope with and it's a pain I know will eventually go.
Often I don't know I've hurt myself and to come round to blood everywhere is scary. One day I will hurt myself so badly that there will be no going back.
I just can't explain what happens. I don't understand why I do what I do or what it would take for it to stop. Why do I do what I do? I wish I could stop it and be normal
I don't want to hurt myself and I want to be able to move on with my life in a healthy way.
Please don't judge me or others that hurt themselves. The scars remind me of all my pain and I don't want any more
I try distraction techniques and when I'm not distressed or disassociating they work well but at times it all just goes out of the window