I don't think I have ever felt so tired as I do right now. Bad night after bad night is having a massive impact on me and I'm shattered.
Usually after a nightmare I manage to get a few hours more sleep but recently I'm waking up very upset and agitated and am not able to calm back down to get more sleep. I can't take a lorazepam as I have been going to work and I need to drive. My head hurts and my eyes feel so heavy but I'm trying to stay awake until my normal bed time.
My MHT have a meeting with my therapist and GP on Thursday and I'm apprehensive about the decisions they are going to make without me. They are going to decide whether to apply for funding for an in-patient trauma unit which will mean me going away from home for 3 months or more. I know that I need help and I've struggled recently but I do manage to go to work and I enjoy my job. I feel like I will be letting everyone down. However if it means that nights are better and I manage my mental health better then it has got to be worth it.
Today I went to a conference about Early Years Education. The presenter was trying to talk about how important it is not only to teach academic skills but also emotional skills to young children. He spent about half an hour talking about poor mental health and the impact it has on your life. He touched on self harm and described how he couldn't imagine how someone's emotional pain can be so great that they physically hurt themselves - well I can! I found it really hard to listen to.
He said that -
Mental Wellbeing is-
More than the absence of mental illness/disorder. It represents the positive side of mental health and can be achieved by people with a diagnosis of mental disorder
Inextricably linked with individuals physical wellbeing
Inextricably linked as both cause and effect with social wellbeing
Mental wellbeing includes the capacity to
Realise our abilities, live a life with purpose and meaning and make a positive contribution to our communities
Form positive relationships with others and feel connected and supported
Experience peace of mind, contentment, happiness and joy
Cope with lifes ups and downs and be confident and resilient
Take responsibility for oneself and for others as appropriate
I guess he just hit a raw note and I'm tired!!!