I'm really struggling at the moment and feel really low. I was supposed to have my first therapy session for months today and really needed it. However when I got there my therapist had gone home as I had been given the wrong time for the session. I was really upset.
It seems that I truly am alone at the moment. I hurt myself badly and ended up at the hospital. The psychiatrist wanted to keep me in and I agreed only to be told that there were no beds so I had to go home. They said someone would be in touch but no one has.
I rang the crisis team at the weekend when I was feeling unsettled and impulsive but was told that no one was available to talk and I wasn't currently open to the crisis team!
I have been ringing my cpn for weeks and she never rings me back.
So it's just me. My self harm is bad, I haven't been able to go to the supermarket for weeks and am missing so much time from work. I have a hole in my side that I have to pack and dress every day but I often use a blade and make it bleed and the hole get bigger. I need the pain to keep me from doing something stupid.
Nights are crap and I'm tired. Really don't know how much longer I can keep going - it's not worth it.
Showing posts with label hospital. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hospital. Show all posts
Thursday, 21 November 2013
Saturday, 24 August 2013
Hospital Experience
Been in hospital with an abscess on my neck and have come home feeling worse than I did when I went in! I have never been messed around so much in my life.
When I got to the hospital they said I had to stay in and that they were going to operate to drain the abscess.
I was put on a ward and told not to eat and drink anything. Two days later they still hadn't taken me to theatre or decided what to do. My neck is swollen and so painful. I was given IV antibiotics and fluids. The doctor that put the IV line in my hand was brutal. After the first day my hand was sore and swollen so I asked if they could take it out. The same doctor came and tried a few times to get a line in. She prodded and poked, taking the needle in and out for ages and made a comment about the scars on my wrists and me being used to pain! Eventually she put the line in about two inches away from the old one on my swollen hand but right on the bone on my wrist. After an hour my hand began to swell even more and I was in so much pain. The nurse could not believe what the doctor had done.
Another nurse came and put the line in the other arm without any pain at all.
Eventually they told me to go home and finish the antibiotics and come back in two weeks when they would decide whether to cut it out or not. I explained that I am a teacher and it would be best to do it now if they could but in the end just wanted to go home.
As I was leaving they handed me a box of 100 paracetamol and I had to explain again how I can't take them home as my mental health is not good at the moment and I didn't want that many tablets at home.
So here I am, my neck is so painful and I have no painkillers. I am taking my antibiotics and hope it will go down soon as the pressure in my ear is horrible. If it doesn't I might just get a blade and cut it open myself. At least then it will drain.
When I got to the hospital they said I had to stay in and that they were going to operate to drain the abscess.
I was put on a ward and told not to eat and drink anything. Two days later they still hadn't taken me to theatre or decided what to do. My neck is swollen and so painful. I was given IV antibiotics and fluids. The doctor that put the IV line in my hand was brutal. After the first day my hand was sore and swollen so I asked if they could take it out. The same doctor came and tried a few times to get a line in. She prodded and poked, taking the needle in and out for ages and made a comment about the scars on my wrists and me being used to pain! Eventually she put the line in about two inches away from the old one on my swollen hand but right on the bone on my wrist. After an hour my hand began to swell even more and I was in so much pain. The nurse could not believe what the doctor had done.
Another nurse came and put the line in the other arm without any pain at all.
Eventually they told me to go home and finish the antibiotics and come back in two weeks when they would decide whether to cut it out or not. I explained that I am a teacher and it would be best to do it now if they could but in the end just wanted to go home.
As I was leaving they handed me a box of 100 paracetamol and I had to explain again how I can't take them home as my mental health is not good at the moment and I didn't want that many tablets at home.
So here I am, my neck is so painful and I have no painkillers. I am taking my antibiotics and hope it will go down soon as the pressure in my ear is horrible. If it doesn't I might just get a blade and cut it open myself. At least then it will drain.
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