Just had a really bad week and am exhausted.
About a week ago my beautiful labrador, Lottie, stopped eating and suddenly looked really ill. After a few trips to the vets we found out that she had an enormous tumour in her stomach that was inoperable. I brought her home for one last night and we all said our goodbyes to her and then the vet came round to the house to put her to sleep. I snuggled her up in her bed and kept her calm and he gave her an injection. Within seconds she had gone but it was peaceful. I'm missing her so much as we had had her since she was 5 weeks old and she was nearly 14. I am trying to remember all the lovely times we had but it is a bit raw right now. We have her daughter, Rosey, who is 10. She is missing her Mum and has become my shadow.
I have started taking citalopram and it is making me feel really crap. I feel sick all the time, dizzy at times and my temperature is all over the place. Am not sure if that is due to an infected wound or the tablet. When you look at the side effects for citalopram there are so many!!! I'm going to try and stay on them but might cut the tablet in half tomorrow as I somehow have to go to work and won't be able to if I continue to feel sick and dizzy.
I have a meeting on Tuesday afternoon to go over my complaint about A&E. I'm glad they're taking it seriously but I'm not looking forward to going over it all again with someone else.
Sunday, 10 January 2016
Monday, 4 January 2016
Response so far
Dear Julie,
Thank you for your e-mail dated 3 January 2016.
Your concerns are in relation to the care provided by A&E, Queens Medical Centre (QMC).
I am very sorry to hear of the distress and anxiety you have experienced and I can assure you that a full investigation will be requested.
Before we can proceed with your complaint, we will need consent to investigate your concerns and forward your letter to the provider. I would be grateful therefore if you could return the attached consent form giving the NHS Nottingham North and East Clinical Commissioning Group permission to investigate your concerns and forward your letter. As soon as we have received your consent form we will write to Patient Experience Team, QMC asking for your issues to be investigated promptly.
It will also be helpful if you could state on the consent form your preferred method of contact for keeping you informed about the progress of your complaint. Please note that for confidentiality reasons we may not leave messages on an answerphone.
Please note that during the investigation, our Complaints Department will need to be satisfied that all of your concerns have been appropriately investigated and responded to and have sufficient time to prepare the response letter. I therefore anticipate that we should be able to respond to you within 35 working days of receipt of the consent form. I will let you know if we are unable to meet this timescale.
During our investigation we will be looking to establish the following:
1. The conduct of the Doctor ‘Chris’
2. An explanation why the Doctor refused the gown and blanket brought to you
3. An explanation why pain relief was offered but not provided
4. An explanation why A&E could not provide a prescription for one tablet of lorazepam
5. An explanation why there appeared to be a lack of basis care and communication from all staff members
Your expected outcome is:
1. An apology and explanation of the events that took place on 3 January 2016
2. Staff informed of the outcome of the investigation and the impact this had on the patient
3. Assurance that measures have been put in place to eliminate other patients experiencing the same difficulties
4. To make the service aware of patient feedback
DISCLAIMER: This e-mail and any files transmitted with it are confidential and intended solely for the use of the individual or entity to which they transmitted may be subject to disclosure Sunday, 3 January 2016
Complaint
Ended up in A&E last night and had to make the following complaint
I am not sure if this is the correct way to make a complaint directly to my CCG but maybe you can point me in the right direction.
This morning at 4am I unfortunately had to go to A&E. I suffer from Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and subsequently have mental health problems. In recent years I have repeatedly had to attend A&E to be stitched up etc. Recently I have been trying very hard not to self harm and have been accessing therapy and support and hadn't been to the department for quite a while.
When I got there the streaming nurse recognised me and said how well I have been doing and she had noticed that I haven't been for a while. She was very caring and supportive. I really hate going to A&E. I call it 'The walk of shame' as I know my wounds are self inflicted.
Earlier this morning I had had a nightmare and flashback and had woken up yet again with a wet bed, crying and shaking and so frightened. When I am in this state I disassociate and today I found myself in the bathroom with scissors in my hand and had stabbed myself in the chest.
I knew I needed medical attention and stitches so I reluctantly went to A&E.
The streaming nurse took my hand and led me into the resus section of A&E as the stab wound in my chest was deep.
When I walked in I felt so upset and frightened and it is really loud and busy. The doctor, called Chris, recognised me. He sat me on a bed and the nurse bought a gown and blanket. He coldly said that he won't need them. He briefly looked at my wound. Didn't ask me many questions but did ask if I wanted pain relief which I said I did. He never gave me any but made me feel like I deserved the pain I was in. He bought a kit over and coldly stitched my wound and then said he would get DPM to see me. He put on a plaster that I am allergic to but I didn't have the courage to say anything.
At 4.30 he left me curled under my coat, cold and upset and never spoke to me again.
I cried and felt so lost and pathetic. I hate it when I hurt myself and never want to be at the hospital.
Later on they put me in a different area of the department and I laid there for 3 hours on my own. When the new staff came on a male nurse put a blanket over me and that made me cry more as I didn't feel I deserved any act of kindness.
I was wheeled into the other side of A&E and placed in the middle of the department on a trolley. I cried even more and was in pain.
At 9am I finally saw a man from DPM. He told me to go home and to call my MHT tomorrow. I told him how frightened I was about hurting myself and that I was in pain. I asked for one tablet for tonight so I had something to calm me down but he told me I had to ring 111 and he couldn't help me.
I left the department at 9.30, really upset. I had to sit in my car in the car park and ring 111 to ask NEMS to call me. I sat in my car for nearly an hour and a GP rang me back and luckily gave me a prescription for one tablet of lorazepam so I can be safertonight. I picked up the prescription on my way home from hospital.
I know that I self harm and can understand the judgement that professionals make but I was treated really coldly and in an uncaring way. It just compounds the thoughts that I have that I am dirty, stupid and disgusting. No one cared that I was upset, cold, in pain and alone and I got the impression that they think if they treat me like that I won't do it again but unfortunately mental health doesn't work like that and I don't have a lot of control. I am waiting for in patient trauma therapy and am happy to engage in any way it can in order to get better.
The New Year is the anniversary of a major traumatic event and is a hard time for me. I have had very little sleep, too many flashbacks and nightmares and feel very suicidal and low. Last nights care has just made me feel worse and the worrying thing is that I'm not sure I will ever go back but what do I do when I need urgent care. It frightens me that I will kill myself.
I know that I use services more than some other people but I do try to give something back to the NHS. I am a member of the patients cabinet at my CCG, am part of my patients participation group at my surgery and recently have been supporting the procurement team with the new contracts for talking therapies. I want to use my knowledge and experience of mental health services to support and help others.
I would hate anyone to be treated like I was last night. I have never complained before and am so appreciative of the support I receive. This time, however I want an explanation as to why I was treated so badly and in such an uncaring manner. No one should spend hours cold, upset and in pain curled up under a coat with no basic care and compassion. It is not good enough.
I am not sure if this is the correct way to make a complaint directly to my CCG but maybe you can point me in the right direction.
This morning at 4am I unfortunately had to go to A&E. I suffer from Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and subsequently have mental health problems. In recent years I have repeatedly had to attend A&E to be stitched up etc. Recently I have been trying very hard not to self harm and have been accessing therapy and support and hadn't been to the department for quite a while.
When I got there the streaming nurse recognised me and said how well I have been doing and she had noticed that I haven't been for a while. She was very caring and supportive. I really hate going to A&E. I call it 'The walk of shame' as I know my wounds are self inflicted.
Earlier this morning I had had a nightmare and flashback and had woken up yet again with a wet bed, crying and shaking and so frightened. When I am in this state I disassociate and today I found myself in the bathroom with scissors in my hand and had stabbed myself in the chest.
I knew I needed medical attention and stitches so I reluctantly went to A&E.
The streaming nurse took my hand and led me into the resus section of A&E as the stab wound in my chest was deep.
When I walked in I felt so upset and frightened and it is really loud and busy. The doctor, called Chris, recognised me. He sat me on a bed and the nurse bought a gown and blanket. He coldly said that he won't need them. He briefly looked at my wound. Didn't ask me many questions but did ask if I wanted pain relief which I said I did. He never gave me any but made me feel like I deserved the pain I was in. He bought a kit over and coldly stitched my wound and then said he would get DPM to see me. He put on a plaster that I am allergic to but I didn't have the courage to say anything.
At 4.30 he left me curled under my coat, cold and upset and never spoke to me again.
I cried and felt so lost and pathetic. I hate it when I hurt myself and never want to be at the hospital.
Later on they put me in a different area of the department and I laid there for 3 hours on my own. When the new staff came on a male nurse put a blanket over me and that made me cry more as I didn't feel I deserved any act of kindness.
I was wheeled into the other side of A&E and placed in the middle of the department on a trolley. I cried even more and was in pain.
At 9am I finally saw a man from DPM. He told me to go home and to call my MHT tomorrow. I told him how frightened I was about hurting myself and that I was in pain. I asked for one tablet for tonight so I had something to calm me down but he told me I had to ring 111 and he couldn't help me.
I left the department at 9.30, really upset. I had to sit in my car in the car park and ring 111 to ask NEMS to call me. I sat in my car for nearly an hour and a GP rang me back and luckily gave me a prescription for one tablet of lorazepam so I can be safertonight. I picked up the prescription on my way home from hospital.
I know that I self harm and can understand the judgement that professionals make but I was treated really coldly and in an uncaring way. It just compounds the thoughts that I have that I am dirty, stupid and disgusting. No one cared that I was upset, cold, in pain and alone and I got the impression that they think if they treat me like that I won't do it again but unfortunately mental health doesn't work like that and I don't have a lot of control. I am waiting for in patient trauma therapy and am happy to engage in any way it can in order to get better.
The New Year is the anniversary of a major traumatic event and is a hard time for me. I have had very little sleep, too many flashbacks and nightmares and feel very suicidal and low. Last nights care has just made me feel worse and the worrying thing is that I'm not sure I will ever go back but what do I do when I need urgent care. It frightens me that I will kill myself.
I know that I use services more than some other people but I do try to give something back to the NHS. I am a member of the patients cabinet at my CCG, am part of my patients participation group at my surgery and recently have been supporting the procurement team with the new contracts for talking therapies. I want to use my knowledge and experience of mental health services to support and help others.
I would hate anyone to be treated like I was last night. I have never complained before and am so appreciative of the support I receive. This time, however I want an explanation as to why I was treated so badly and in such an uncaring manner. No one should spend hours cold, upset and in pain curled up under a coat with no basic care and compassion. It is not good enough.
Tuesday, 29 December 2015
Feeling poorly
Same old crap again, my abscess on my stomach is sore and infected and I feel poorly :-(
I saw my GP today who took a swab and told me to start taking antibiotics if I feel any worse.
She still hasn't had a notification from my new psychiatrist about my new medication and all the tests that she wants to be done. I saw her 2 weeks ago and I know it has been Christmas but it still doesn't seem good enough
I wanted to start my new meds while I was on holiday from work in case they have side affects that aren't nice. I know they can make you feel sick and give you a head ache. Maybe I need to ring tomorrow?
The crisis team have been quite helpful over the last few nights but it seems to be the same old thing over and over and I'm sure they must get fed up of me. I'm not going to stop ringing though as I want to get the referral for the in-patient trauma therapy done and if I go quiet it will not happen.
I saw my GP today who took a swab and told me to start taking antibiotics if I feel any worse.
She still hasn't had a notification from my new psychiatrist about my new medication and all the tests that she wants to be done. I saw her 2 weeks ago and I know it has been Christmas but it still doesn't seem good enough
I wanted to start my new meds while I was on holiday from work in case they have side affects that aren't nice. I know they can make you feel sick and give you a head ache. Maybe I need to ring tomorrow?
The crisis team have been quite helpful over the last few nights but it seems to be the same old thing over and over and I'm sure they must get fed up of me. I'm not going to stop ringing though as I want to get the referral for the in-patient trauma therapy done and if I go quiet it will not happen.
Saturday, 26 December 2015
Christmas is over
I'm glad that Christmas is over for another year - there needs to be some changes next year.
It was lovely to have everyone at my house and I was truly spoilt by good friends and family. Dinner time was fraught and it is so hard to feed more than 6 people. The roast potatoes and parsnips were soggy and just wouldn't crisp - I dont know what my son did to them!
Dinner was cold even after putting the plates in the oven and I think the dogs ate more than anyone else. So next year we will go out for Christmas dinner. I will start looking for somewhere to go.
My nieces were really good and my girls played games with them and made them up with nail varnish and make up.
My brother and the girls wanted to stay but his girlfriend wanted to go home and hardly smiled or spoke to anyone all day. So they left quite early which was a shame.
Then everyone wanted to watch Coronation St and Downtown Abbey but I don't watch either of them so I read a book and played Frustration with my son and daughter.
Then after going to bed quite happy and settled I had an horrendous night. I ended up in a heap on the bathroom floor and just cried and cried. It just shows that there is nothing I can really do to change my nightmares.
Today everyone has gone and I'm on my own till my girls come back from sales shopping. Think I need to try to catch up on sleep
It was lovely to have everyone at my house and I was truly spoilt by good friends and family. Dinner time was fraught and it is so hard to feed more than 6 people. The roast potatoes and parsnips were soggy and just wouldn't crisp - I dont know what my son did to them!
Dinner was cold even after putting the plates in the oven and I think the dogs ate more than anyone else. So next year we will go out for Christmas dinner. I will start looking for somewhere to go.
My nieces were really good and my girls played games with them and made them up with nail varnish and make up.
My brother and the girls wanted to stay but his girlfriend wanted to go home and hardly smiled or spoke to anyone all day. So they left quite early which was a shame.
Then everyone wanted to watch Coronation St and Downtown Abbey but I don't watch either of them so I read a book and played Frustration with my son and daughter.
Then after going to bed quite happy and settled I had an horrendous night. I ended up in a heap on the bathroom floor and just cried and cried. It just shows that there is nothing I can really do to change my nightmares.
Today everyone has gone and I'm on my own till my girls come back from sales shopping. Think I need to try to catch up on sleep
Thursday, 24 December 2015
Happy Christmas
Just having a quiet five minutes before everyone comes over for Christmas. Have wrapped all the presents, sorted stockings for tonight, bought all the food and drink and remembered to take the turkey out of the freezer in time.
Am watching Ed Sheeran on the tele and the dogs are asleep so I think it is the calm before the storm!
Christmas is a special time for family and I know I am so lucky to have three wonderful children that still want to come home for Christmas. I'm going to cherish the next few days and try to relax and enjoy the holiday.
Night times are still bad and I'm tired but am putting that smile on my face and keeping going
Am watching Ed Sheeran on the tele and the dogs are asleep so I think it is the calm before the storm!
Christmas is a special time for family and I know I am so lucky to have three wonderful children that still want to come home for Christmas. I'm going to cherish the next few days and try to relax and enjoy the holiday.
Night times are still bad and I'm tired but am putting that smile on my face and keeping going
Tuesday, 22 December 2015
Hand massage
I accidentally found a new way to ground myself. My daughter bought me some hand cream months ago and I hadn't even opened it. A few days ago I used it and just loved the smell and the texture and I put it in my night time basket that I keep in the bathroom to ground myself.
That night I was upset and sat on the floor in the bathroom. I opened the hand cream and massaged it into my hands. I gently massaged each finger and slowly my breathing calmed down and I was able to ground myself.
I don't think it will help every night but it is something else I can try.
That night I was upset and sat on the floor in the bathroom. I opened the hand cream and massaged it into my hands. I gently massaged each finger and slowly my breathing calmed down and I was able to ground myself.
I don't think it will help every night but it is something else I can try.
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