Thursday, 24 September 2015

Psychiatrist appointment

I finally got to see my psychiatrist yesterday and went to the appointment with my CPN. I had prepared some questions and the main points I needed to cover before I went so that I could make the best use of my appointment.
The main thing that I needed to discuss was whether I could start taking some antidepressants and which ones he thought would be best for me.
I have been feeling so low and hopeless for a while now. I just get really down and suicidal thoughts take over my head. I honestly believe that the world would be a better place without me.
I shared this with my psychiatrist and he just sat and smiled! He thought that antidepressants wouldn't change anything for me and then admitted that he just didn't know how to treat me. He said that even if he saw me 10 times in 10 days nothing would change and I would be no better.
I just felt so upset. He didn't listen to me and just dismissed the use of antidepressants but I think they might lift my mood and help me to be more resilient.
My self harm is so bad at the moment and I am no longer reaching out for help. I haven't rang the crisis team for a week now and its taking me much longer to calm down and sort myself out at night.
My psychiatrist said that he thinks an inpatient stay at a trauma unit would be the best thing for me and is going to talk to my therapist and GP to put a bid in for funding. He says it probably wont be this year and that is just scary. How am I supposed to keep going
He didn't even give me an appointment to see him again and he always does. Think he has given in too