Saturday, 12 September 2015

Too many triggers

Over the next few days I am going to have so many triggers and really need to put things in place to look after myself.
I saw y sister for the first time this year today and felt really unsettled when I left - what bit of don't mention my ex husband to me doesn't she understand? It sounds pretty straightforward to me. Luckily I had already heard his latest news earlier in the week so was able to bat it off and not let it upset me too much. At least I can tell myself that I remembered her birthday and took her a nice present so I can hold my head up.
On Monday I have to have a colonoscopy to check that I'm not bleeding anywhere. I know that it is going to be difficult but it is important. Tomorrow I have to take lots of laxatives which I'm not looking forward to at all. The thing that is bothering me most is how I will cope if I am sore afterwards. I need to make sure I have enough pain relief in the house. I think I will sleep the rest of Monday as they are going to sedate me.
Then on Wednesday I have to have a cystoscopy to look inside my bladder. They are not going to sedate me for that and I will have to try and stay relaxed and grounded. I am trying to think what I can do and am going to try looking for certain colours in the environment or maybe items of the same shape. I need to stay present - it is going to be so hard and so embarrassing if I lose it.
Fingers crossed they will both go ok