Yeah - I managed to go to knitting group tonight and that feels good. I am exhausted and think I will sleep for a week - its amazing how mentally tiring it is to push yourself out of your comfort zone.
When I got to the pub tonight I was shaking and felt sick walking into the pub. Had I got the right place? Would it still be on tonight as it is a Bank Holiday?Will there be anyone there? Loads of questions going round my head and my head was spinning. It would have been so easy to turn and run in the opposite direction.
Once I walked in the room I felt ok. There were 7 other people there and they were all knitting and crocheting different things but showed genuine interest in the owl jumper I am making for my niece. I have altered the pattern and added my own detail to it and got some positive comments.
I was nervous once I had sat down and concerned that because of my state of high alert I wouldn't be able to follow the conversation or would make a fool of myself but I stayed quiet for a while and listened and then was able to be more settled and more confident.
I was invited to go to a knitting event in a few weeks time in Yorkshire and my initial reaction was to decline the offer, I might actually go as I know I will enjoy it and it will be another achievement and a day out.
Back at home I am feeling exhausted and drained but I'm happy I made myself go there - its something I've been trying to do for weeks and now I've been there I know I can go again next week and spend some time with other people that enjoy the same things as me. No one judged me and I was able to hold my own. I didn't feel out of place.
I am a bit concerned about the prospect of the low after the euphoria and have given myself a hard time about being so stupid. I just hope I am now able to sleep and don't have a bad night.
Tomorrow is the last day before I go back to work on Wednesday and I've arranged to take my nieces out for lunch which will be enjoyable. It just goes to show that life is what you make it and I've got to keep pushing myself forwards.
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