Thursday, 22 January 2015

Bad day

Having a bad day. Woke up this morning and just felt so tired and really low. It is so cold outside and I just couldn't get out of bed. I lay there trying to will myself to get up but just couldn't find the energy or inclination from anywhere.
In the end I gave in and went back to sleep and finally woke up at 3pm. I obviously needed the sleep. Can't really say I feel much better now. Just feel tired and run down.
Night times have been really hard and I've been beating myself up about the fact that I can't shake the nightmares. I still feel dirty and disgusting and my skin crawls.
Thoughts of self harm are never far away and I'm finding it hard to just keep going.
I have so much going on in my life at the moment. My job is changing yet again and that stresses me out. I just get used to working somewhere and then they move me and I have to start all over again. The schools that I work with are not happy and everyone at work is fed up.
My children have all just about left home and I'm on my own a lot which is just not good for me. I keep thinking about going to the gym or a club but I'm just so tired all the time.
I've not been well again and have another abscess that needs packing everyday. It is really sore and I have been taking antibiotics for it.
I am getting the results of blood tests tomorrow so hopefully I can get sorted soon.
I'm just losing so much weight - not a bad thing I know but I've lost over 4 stones in 6 months without really trying to. It is a worry.
I'm still not taking any meds but have read about a new drug for nightmares called prazosin but my psychiatrist won't give it to me and it is really frustrating. He told me to write to him about it and he will have a look but I'm not seeing him till April!
So all in all life is as crap as ever