Sunday, 19 July 2015

Junkie

Need a rant! Am turning into a drug addict or some kind of junkie and I really don't like it.
When I had my accident in Lanzarote the doctor gave me 4mg of lorazepam to take each day for the rest of the holiday. I normally have 5 1mg tablets to last a week. Foolishly I took them whilst I was away and they did help, probably more than I thought.
So I get back home and suddenly I have no tablets left and realise that I've got dependent on them. I ring my psychiatrist to be told that he is away on holiday for 2 weeks and no one else is available. Then I try to speak to the MHT but no one returns my call. Finally I speak to my GP, but one I don't know very well. He agrees to give me 1 mg a day for 7 days and I just took the prescription thinking that it was better than nothing. I've spent the last few days shaking and agitated. I can't sleep and have spent hours in my car throughout the night as it's the only place I feel safe.
I spoke to the crisis team throughout last night and she managed to get me home and told me to take 2 lorazepam and to go to bed. That is very well and good but what do I do when I run out again. I will have to beg for more. No one seems to be listening.
I'm happy to reduce the amount. I don't want to take that much but I can't just stop it overnight. I feel so emotional and frightened.
I suppose it's my fault for taking them but they got me through a bad time and I was safe. Seems that I can't win 😪