Tuesday, 21 July 2015

Appointment

Had an appointment with a cpn today. Don't quite know how I feel about it except it seemed a bit surreal.
I have been struggling all week and am exhausted. For some reason I'm struggling with staying at home at night and have been going off in my car to just keep safe. I get so frustrated with myself when I do that and know that its a fight or flight response but don't really know how safe I am out in the dark in my car. However the cpn thought it was acceptable and nothing to worry about!!! She said she knew lots of people that sleep in their car. This kind of confused me as I had hoped we would be able to discuss options to try and keep me at home overnight but now I'm questioning my judgement.
Throughout today I've disassociated quite a lot - it just seems to get worse the more tired I get. I'm losing time and can't remember chunks of what I've done.
My skin crawls more than normal and images are bright and vivid. It's like I'm on high alert which I know is part of my PTSD but doesn't get any easier to handle or accept.
I'm just so tired and wish I could get some sleep. Have considered asking for some zopiclone but don't want to get into junkie mode. Zopiclone makes me feel rubbish anyway.
Have asked to see if the crisis house is still available as a last resort and it is seeing as I behaved myself last time lol!!! I have trauma therapy on thursday so will see how I feel after that.