Still struggling with suicidal thoughts and having to work hard to keep myself safe.
The crisis house was offered again but this time I just didn't feel like it was the right place to be. I feel like it is just like a short term sticking plaster and doesn't actually change anything. At the end of 5 days I will still have to just go home and nothing will have changed.
I am not in the right frame of mind to be around other people that are struggling. If anyone was confrontational or hard to be around I think I would find it triggering and wouldn't be safe anyway, so there is no point going there.
I know I can ring the crisis team if I need to over the bank holiday. I have some sleeping tablets to take if I need to. Last night I did get to sleep quickly with the tablet but ended up having a bad nightmare and for the first time in ages soiled the bed. I had to throw away all my bedding and I hate that.
Trying to keep distracted and stay around people. I'm not sure what the answer is but maybe going back to work next week will help - I don't know but I'm prepared to keep an open mind.