Saturday, 8 August 2015

DPM

I really hate the treatment that you get in A&E. I was so upset about ending up back there again and was made to sit for hours in the middle of the department on a hard chair while all the other patients, even the drunk ones, laid on comfy beds. A nurse came to do the referral to DPM and asked me very personal and embarrassing questions infront of other patients sitting next to me. I wanted to curl up and die.
Then I kept getting told that someone would be down to assess me in half an hour - 4 hours later someone came and asked me if I lived in a bungalow etc, what my religion was etc etc and then just told me to go home and ring the crisis team! Duh, that was no help at all. Looking back I know there is nothing much else he could have said or done but maybe to ask how I was feeling would have been a good start as then I could have said how overwhelmed and frightened I was. I could have talked through how I was going to cope at home and keep myself safe and how to use my medication more effectively. Maybe I should do their job?
Have managed to get some sleep and am going to have a quiet day. Can't believe how badly I hurt myself - do I really hate myself that much? Do I really care that little about myself? My self harm is getting worse and it's like I'm on self destruct. Got to go through the humiliation of having my stitches out next week too - joys!