Tuesday, 1 October 2013

CPN again

I finally saw my cpn today. I hadn't seen her for months. The last couple of nights have been particularly bad and I have cut my wrist. I hate it when I lose it so much that I self harm and it makes me feel really frightened. It just seems that I forget all my coping strategies in the night.
After talking to my cpn she said that she will refer me to a distress tolerance course but not until the new year. Not really sure how that will help me right now!
I explained how I've been hearing his voice really loudly at night and sometimes during the day and she said that it is normal after trauma. I find it overwhelming and don't cope very well at all. Sometimes I think I'm going mad when I hear his voice.
Sometimes I feel more unsettled when I've seen someone and talked about how I'm feeling. It makes me feel stupid and pathetic, like I should be stronger. I don't understand why I don't get any better. I try so hard to keep going and I want to be rid of this nightmare.