Saturday, 13 June 2015

What was I thinking?

Had a really hard day yesterday and put myself and my daughter at risk. I need to learn from my mistakes and not go there again.
I had a bad night on Friday night and didn't have much sleep. I needed to take a lorazepam to calm me down. I already have a cut wrist and didn't want to hurt myself more.
Then I got up and drove to Manchester to pick my daughter up from university. By the time I got there I felt heavy and sluggish. I could hardly talk or co-ordinate my movements. I lay down for a bit and we went for something to eat which helped.
After loading the car up I started to drive back home but I just couldn't mentally follow my sat nav. We got lost going round and round manchester. In the end my daughter took charge and told me when to turn etc and we finally made it home.
I got out of the car and went straight to bed absolutely shattered. I fell asleep with my clothes on.
I shouldn't have driven back as I wasn't in a good place to drive. I was exhausted and my daughter doesn't drive. Waiting till this morning would have been better.
Sometimes I don't listen to my body and I set myself impossible goals. Yesterday was too much and I should have waited. Luckily no one was hurt and we got back ok.
I do that at work. When I've been up all night I still go to work and I try to carry on. Is that another form of self harm? I'm not sure. I hate letting people down but I also don't like my actions putting others at risk.
Yesterday was not a good day and I'm going to rest today