Having a crap week so far. Monday I went to give blood and was treated badly as I have scars on my wrist. There was no need to point them out and ask me how I had done them. Then go and get other nurses just to check I was ok to give blood - are mental health patients not ok to give their blood? Might it infect them?
Then on Tuesday I passed out probably from giving the blood and embarrassed myself whilst at a school. I knew I was going to faint and nearly managed to get to the toilet before I blacked out. I cut my arm all the way down in the process. Then my manager told me off for something I hadn't done and really pissed me off.
I had trauma therapy that leaves me unsettled in the new building. There are lots of bad memories in that building and it does trigger me. Am not seeing him for a while which is good. He talked about having a multi agency meeting to discuss my care as he thinks my risk is too high at the moment and I'm not getting the right support. Hopefully this time I can go to the meeting.
Yesterday I was so unsettled and had a flashback at lunchtime. I rang the duty MH team and spoke to the duty worker who told me to ring back when I was calmer! Duh that's what I need you for, to calm me down and help me to focus and stay safe. So I rang my GP surgery and was too distressed that I couldn't get past the receptionist. There were no appointments available.
I sat in my car and cried, then time just went and it was 1am. I had cut my wrist badly. I ended up at A&E and they patched me up. I didn't want to speak to anyone - they can't help me. So now I am home and feeling frightened and overwhelmed. Ask me again if I'm feeling suicidal and I might give you the right answer?