Saturday, 20 June 2015

Disassociating

Don't really remember much about last night. Had a nightmare and a wet bed and despite the sound mat and other barriers I have put in place I still managed to get into the kitchen and pick up a knife.
Luckily I came round. It was cold and I had knocked the dogs drinking water everywhere.
I rang the crisis team in a panic - I feel so sorry for the lady on the other end. She couldn't understand what I was saying but stayed with me and calmed me down. She made me concentrate on my breathing and told me not to talk. We then explored what I could do next and how to stay safe. She made sure I was out of the kitchen.
Today I just feel exhausted and have so much to do but no energy. I need to cut my lawn and maybe the fresh air will do me good. I need to get motivated.
Still have that horrible feeling that I want to curl up and die and I can't shake it. I'm on my own today which isn't good. Need to keep busy and distracted.