Yesterday I had another session of trauma therapy. I was really anxious after the response I had last week to the session and kind of wanted to run in the opposite direction.
Instead I found myself sat in the therapists chair, mouth dry, sweating and shaking inside.
We decided to use EMDR to reinforce positive statements and imagery, rather than the negative image from last week. I closed my eyes this time and we used hand taps which I found much easier. At first I felt really sick and my heart was racing but I concentrated on the statement that 'I'm safe' and 'nothing will hurt me' I walked around my bedroom noticing the colours in my head and then it was like I was hovering over me sleeping. My safe place is on the beach and suddenly my bed was floating in the sea! All the time I reinforced the statement that I was safe.
After a while the sickness went and I felt really calm.
I went home and just felt so shattered and worn out that I went to bed. I slept soundly for 14 hours which is longer than I have slept for months.
As I go to bed tonight I'm telling myself that I'm ok and I'm safe and I'm going to do some relaxation by going to my safe place in my head - hopefully I will sleep again tonight. I'm really trying to be positive and to say to myself that I can do this.